The first step in problem solving is understanding the problem you’re trying to solve. If you don’t understand the problem, you’re going to have an even more difficult time understanding the solution. It took me a long time to realize that depression is the reverse of what most people would consider normal emotion. If something undesirable happens to a person, especially something very undesirable, it can make that person sad. A loss, a death, all manner of tragedy can cause a person to feel sad. Depression is not a reaction to a situation. Depression is the lens through which you see life. Situations can cause sadness, and sadness can lead to depression, but for those who are chronically depressed it’s how you get to see the world. Things appear less than they are because of depression. It’s reactivity in reverse, and that can be a lot for a person to wrap their head around, especially if you’re not accustomed to it.

Some weeks are chock full of the same day. Like Groundhog’s Day, except time is actually passing. Going through the motions at work, all day, every day. Going through the motions with parenting. Going through the motions with my personal life. Neurotic friend is still neurotic. Nerdy friend is still nerdy. Party friend still wants to party. Novelty is not something the universe is willing to afford me on many levels, it seems.

I’ve given up the notion of running a proper blog and have supplanted that idea with a blog, one mainly existing to satisfy my need to put thought to paper. I know, it’s weird. A virtual journal is more appealing to me due to me being a geek. Also, it being public-facing doesn’t really bother me. I don’t feel as though I have to censor myself or steer my verbiage. I feel pretty free to express whatever thought comes to mind.

I watch the clock every day. I count down the hours, the minutes, the seconds, to my freedom. I can’t help it. I didn’t choose to have to donate a vast majority of my labor in exchange for the ability to eke out a meager existence. I suppose my existence isn’t as meager as some, or even many, but nonetheless I’m not a millionaire.

Xi Jinping is a huge piece of shit. I looked up his net worth, and apparently he’s worth around $1.2 billion. How exactly does a political leader accrue $1.2 billion in worth without being incredibly corrupt? Well, that’s the answer, isn’t it? They don’t. He’s just incredibly corrupt. Just like Vladimir Putin. There are clandestine estimates of Putin’s worth that suggest he could be worth as much as $200 billion. That’s orders of magnitude more than you’d expect a government official to ever be capable of, at least without being one of the most corrupt men alive. You can see where I’m going with this, hopefully.

We’re watching this 90 Day Fiancee: Love in Paradise and it’s pretty wild, man. There’s this guy, Sherlon, who got laid for two days in Jamaica. Then the crazy entitled bitch got knocked up. But really you don’t know how goddamn entitled she is until she starts opening her mouth, and then for an hour each week we’re inundated by the outflow of bullshit from her mouth. It’s absolutely stunning. The sheer volume of bullshit spewing from her face is absolutely breathtaking. She’s literally gatekeeping this cute baby, Odin, from his own father because the guy doesn’t want to be with this awful entitled cracker-ass bitch. I don’t blame him! Fuck her! She’s awful! Stay strong, Sherlon. Stay strong. That bitch ain’t got nothin on you homie.

It’s Friday. Can’t argue with that. Especially not the Friday before a three day weekend. Productivity isn’t going to be stellar today, that’s for damn sure. It’s already not stellar. Here I am, blogging random thoughts again. It’s okay. It’s my therapy. It keeps my head in a decent enough space to not spend most weeks crying in a corner while at work. This stuff gets so heavy sometimes that it feels like it follows me home, and I end up consuming far more weed than I really would’ve without carrying this shit with me all over the place.

This is the last great web browser. It’s not even perfect, in all fairness. However, you can grab the better version here. Just keep in mind you won’t be watching Netflix on LibreWolf any time soon, due to total lack of widevine implementation. Without widevine, your browser won’t be able to unpack the lame as shit digital rights management protections thrown all over the place these days. Youtube still works just fine, though.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COINTELPRO

Everything you need to know is in the above link. If you labor under any delusion that the CIA has ceased influencing or attempting to influence public opinion, you’d have to be a pretty gullible individual.

The challenge anymore is to suss out who is trying to influence what. Who has something to gain from a particular position or idea? What blows my mind is that there are people out there who consider LGBT activism a “corporate agenda”. It’s incredibly naive to discount the fact that gay people aren’t gay by choice. It’s even more naive to assume that there aren’t young gay couples out there with dual incomes and no children who might want to donate to social causes that aim to make life safer or more comfortable for them. It may be an agenda, but it isn’t corporate, it’s human. What’s more, if you’ve spent any time watching the movement closely you’ll notice that they’re not afraid to include and help other oppressed minorities that they can reasonably scoop up along the way.