I really couldn’t think of a better title, I just wish it didn’t apply to 90% of my content. It’s fine, I guess. It makes me feel better to have a voice, even if that voice isn’t saying much of anything. Making thoughts, feelings, and ideas, manifest into typed word; this is the best therapy for me. It really is. It has kept me going for so many years when I really wasn’t sure how I’d do it. Even this blog has been around since 2012 solidly, but before that existed as a wordpress thing floating around the interwebs.

Time off. We dedicate 33% of our lives to sleep immediately upon existing. It’s unalterable. You can’t “opt out” of sleep. You don’t get a free pass. You can limit the amount of time you sleep, but at the end of the day you’re going to be wholly limited by your inherent biology. It’s inescapable.

We live in a society. Yes, it’s an awful meme, but it’s also a fact. We do in fact exist in a society, both global and tiered right down to nuclear families. We are social creatures, and as such we’ve absolutely fucked ourselves out of a perfectly good bartering system with what experts call “promissory notes”. You can now bluster and pretend to have assets when in fact you truly only have some imaginary numbers kept at a bank or, at best, a pile of actually worthless cotton that reads “Federal Reserve Note” on the front. Somehow we’ve allowed the assholes who ran fiefdoms to continue their terrible line of ideas all the way down to present day, where we’re now forced to dedicate another 33% of our lives to making money for someone else. As an aside, we’re allowed to subsist on the crumbs of our efforts, thanks in no large part to those who own the means of production.

I feel aimless and wandering. This month marks six years and the longest I’ve been at one company in my entire life. Not so much a brag, but more of a necessary evil for someone bent on ladder-climbing. For a good few years I was really shooting for a goal. It was awesome, and I even wound up succeeding. I met the goal I had set for myself. Really, there were two of them, and I knocked them both out of the park. The first one, I wanted to work at one specific company that made hardware that I loved to tinker with. The second, I wanted the title of “Engineer”. So I hit those both out of the park in one swing, and I work at the company I wanted to work at as an engineer. Awesome stuff. But what do you aspire to once you’ve met a goal like that? Is it defeatist to set another goal? Is it defeatist not to? I really must be the only motherfucker around confounded by success. I really don’t know the answer to that, and I’m honestly really fucked up about it. I feel aimless. I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore. If I just “make up” another goal it’s not going to be meaningful and I might just end up making myself feel bad setting arbitrary goals and not being able to meet them. I’m just left confused, I guess, by the situation and what to do next.

I honestly had to write this blog post before I could title it, because it truly is a “rant”. If you’re looking for coherence, this is not the place to look.

I have these thoughts and desires in my head to write a sweeping post about democracy, what it means to say “Democracy works”, and just what a functioning democracy will behave like. And, as much as I hate to admit, we do indeed have a functional democracy. While I can make this statement rather safely, it’s not so safe to be honest and state that we do not have a functional society. For far too long we’ve allowed the idiots in this country to believe they’re the “end all, be all” of Americana. Education is not important to Americans because propagandists have told them that they’ll turn into “sissy liberals” if they become educated. What in the ever-living fuck is that bullshit, and how the fuck does an entire group fall for it? Fucking seriously. You people really are ignorant. Christ.

Isn’t that just wild? Mar-a-lago searched by FBI. Man. It looks like the hammer is finally coming down. It’s also not terribly surprising that you have a number of shit-heel ass-kissers “demanding to know why Trump’s house was searched” and blustering in their usual loud and irritating manner. Dude, go fuck yourself. Seriously. Quit trying to help your criminal pal cover shit up. Fucking absolute criminals in the GOP. Every last one. It’s pathetic that the “God and country” party is literally just a cadre of criminal associates.

We’re getting married in April! I’m damned excited, and I can’t wait. We’re getting married by Elvis, and it’s going to be in Vegas. I would marry my fiance at a courthouse tomorrow, but we both think it’ll be a lot more fun to have a banger of a ceremony in Vegas and to party and celebrate that we love each other and want to have this kind of fun together for the rest of our lives.

It would be amazing if humans were conscious creatures earlier in life. Just imagine being capable of planning your life out ahead of you as an infant, pondering daily while you feed on a bottle and do fuck all else how you’re going to spend the next eighty years or so. What would you dream up if you had that sort of time and opportunity ahead of you? I would’ve tried to plan on being a Ph.D comp-sci graduate. I’m sure it would’ve fallen through miserably like every other education endeavor I’ve attempted, but still, maybe I’d have been less hesitant to shoot for it if I had the opportunity to think my way through it years in advance.

I think the gum finally caught up with me. I bought this gum from the dispensary that’s supposed to have something like 10 milligrams of THC in each piece. I ended up chewing every piece but two, out of the ten. I really don’t think that was what did me in, though. I think, at the end of the day, what really got me high was the 50 milligram peanut butter cup. Man, that thing is wild. For some reason it feels more intense than most of the recent times I’ve eaten two 25 milligram gummies. It’s been more and more frequent that I need to take as much to actually get any sleep. Otherwise I’m just wasting my time and my money.