I feel aimless and wandering. This month marks six years and the longest I’ve been at one company in my entire life. Not so much a brag, but more of a necessary evil for someone bent on ladder-climbing. For a good few years I was really shooting for a goal. It was awesome, and I even wound up succeeding. I met the goal I had set for myself. Really, there were two of them, and I knocked them both out of the park. The first one, I wanted to work at one specific company that made hardware that I loved to tinker with. The second, I wanted the title of “Engineer”. So I hit those both out of the park in one swing, and I work at the company I wanted to work at as an engineer. Awesome stuff. But what do you aspire to once you’ve met a goal like that? Is it defeatist to set another goal? Is it defeatist not to? I really must be the only motherfucker around confounded by success. I really don’t know the answer to that, and I’m honestly really fucked up about it. I feel aimless. I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore. If I just “make up” another goal it’s not going to be meaningful and I might just end up making myself feel bad setting arbitrary goals and not being able to meet them. I’m just left confused, I guess, by the situation and what to do next.

I honestly had to write this blog post before I could title it, because it truly is a “rant”. If you’re looking for coherence, this is not the place to look.

I have these thoughts and desires in my head to write a sweeping post about democracy, what it means to say “Democracy works”, and just what a functioning democracy will behave like. And, as much as I hate to admit, we do indeed have a functional democracy. While I can make this statement rather safely, it’s not so safe to be honest and state that we do not have a functional society. For far too long we’ve allowed the idiots in this country to believe they’re the “end all, be all” of Americana. Education is not important to Americans because propagandists have told them that they’ll turn into “sissy liberals” if they become educated. What in the ever-living fuck is that bullshit, and how the fuck does an entire group fall for it? Fucking seriously. You people really are ignorant. Christ.

Isn’t that just wild? Mar-a-lago searched by FBI. Man. It looks like the hammer is finally coming down. It’s also not terribly surprising that you have a number of shit-heel ass-kissers “demanding to know why Trump’s house was searched” and blustering in their usual loud and irritating manner. Dude, go fuck yourself. Seriously. Quit trying to help your criminal pal cover shit up. Fucking absolute criminals in the GOP. Every last one. It’s pathetic that the “God and country” party is literally just a cadre of criminal associates.

We’re getting married in April! I’m damned excited, and I can’t wait. We’re getting married by Elvis, and it’s going to be in Vegas. I would marry my fiance at a courthouse tomorrow, but we both think it’ll be a lot more fun to have a banger of a ceremony in Vegas and to party and celebrate that we love each other and want to have this kind of fun together for the rest of our lives.

It would be amazing if humans were conscious creatures earlier in life. Just imagine being capable of planning your life out ahead of you as an infant, pondering daily while you feed on a bottle and do fuck all else how you’re going to spend the next eighty years or so. What would you dream up if you had that sort of time and opportunity ahead of you? I would’ve tried to plan on being a Ph.D comp-sci graduate. I’m sure it would’ve fallen through miserably like every other education endeavor I’ve attempted, but still, maybe I’d have been less hesitant to shoot for it if I had the opportunity to think my way through it years in advance.

I think the gum finally caught up with me. I bought this gum from the dispensary that’s supposed to have something like 10 milligrams of THC in each piece. I ended up chewing every piece but two, out of the ten. I really don’t think that was what did me in, though. I think, at the end of the day, what really got me high was the 50 milligram peanut butter cup. Man, that thing is wild. For some reason it feels more intense than most of the recent times I’ve eaten two 25 milligram gummies. It’s been more and more frequent that I need to take as much to actually get any sleep. Otherwise I’m just wasting my time and my money.

Friday is freedom. Friday is cuddling on the couch with my fiance. Friday is the start of when I am actually alive, not the sad state we economic drones are in the rest of the time. Not pursuing our passions or, worse yet, if we’re pursuing our passions it’s to make someone else significantly more wealthy than we in some sordid “passion harvest farm”. Capitalism has an amazing way of draining the color and happiness out of life between the hours of eight in the morning Monday through until five in the evening on Friday. It’s really slavery if you think about it. Land ownership is slavery. Native Americans had no concept of land ownership, and they were the last free men. They could go where the wanted, hunt where they wanted, and live to pursue whatever passions they desired. And in the pursuits of those passions they simply hunted and crafted to improve their lives. They weren’t told they had to stay away from land because “someone else owns it”. They simply existed, and it was simple. Capitalism has given us a total lack of privacy, doom scrolling, trolling, severe emotional traumas, economic slavery, and pretty much has ruined everything invented during it’s reign.

In the past, I’ve implemented Euler’s totient function for shits and giggles. It’s not a hard exercise by any means, but it can be if you haven’t had education in math at a level to understand the formula.

$$\varphi(n) =n \prod_{p\mid n} \left(1-\frac{1}{p}\right)$$

Admittedly, I had to google what the hell is going on. Technically, that’s just the framework, there are more details that follow in the form of rules. However, it was definitely a fun exercise to implement it. I think today I’m going to commit to downloading the latest version of rust and compiling that old code to see how much data I can generate. It’s really about all I can do to keep myself from going insane having to watch this robot perform the same tasks over and over until it gets them right. Yes, I have to intervene occasionally, but most of these debugs are very “hands off”.