The “Republican Message” as transmitted to the poor assholes who carry them every election is very distorted. It has to be in order to make sense to the intended recipients. But to anyone with a handful of braincells left, the message is very easy to decipher. Take the whole second amendment gripe. “You need a gun in order to defend yourself from a tyrannical government.” That’s the official party rhetoric for the impoverished masses to consume.
I’m so aloof right now. I just don’t feel grounded in the slightest. I feel like I’m all over the place, and I think that’s about as accurate a description of me that can be made. Tomorrow is poised to be very interesting. I think tomorrow is quite likely the point in my life where things reach peak “shit-hit-the-fan” levels. We’ll see, I guess. I know I keep promising “interesting” content for this blog.
I’m considering starting a new system build soon. Might have an opportunity to get that done shortly. Not thinking anything extravagant, just a reasonably powered mid-level gaming rig. Since I have my own MSDN account I can just crap out Win10 licenses, so I might as well use one. It’ll be weird to run Win10 Enterprise at home, but whatever. Weekends are always the best. It’s a departure from the crazy packed weekdays with their tight schedules and last minute business trips.
Holy shit. Work work work. I feel like I’ve been living at work. It’s a real bitch, because I have a lot of people who are important to me that are suddenly wagging behind this career. It’s a real pain, to be honest. But I’ll make time. Everyone that’s important to me deserves my time, even if I’m pressed for it. That’s something I can’t let slip back again. I can’t let people fall to the wayside, because they’ve really been there for me through some of the hardest shit I’ve had to go through.
I’m officially settled into my promotion at work. Now begins the serious grind, ushering in the future of transportation for the world at large. It’s intimidating to get a piece of that pie. To have a reputation established as being a key player in the transition away from fossil fuels, well… I won’t flatter myself, really. I may be somewhat key, but there are a lot of key players in this.
Man, I can’t even get into it right now. Just can’t. But I’m killing it. I’m just making enormous strides in life at the moment, and I feel really optimistic about the future. More than that, I feel like I can summon enough optimism to pull up those around me who need it most. There have been some serious tragedies and difficult times for people that I care about, and as much work and effort as I’ve been able to put into my own life has given me the strength I need to do for myself as well as lend to others who might need it.
I never understood before. Not until now, I didn’t. She always used the music. It was the music that connected her. I didn’t understand until now. I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel grief. I may feel these things in time, but now I feel a much deeper sense of what the last eight years meant, and how it all got shaken the way it did. I don’t know if I’ll ever be strong enough to be a partner for her.
Slowly but surely, I’m realizing that I’m important. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have people in my life that care. I’m above begging for responses. I’m above begging for human decency. I’m above begging for clarity. I’m above begging for kindness and compassion. People that can’t offer those bare minimums can absolutely get the fuck out of my life and stay the fuck out of my life, they aren’t deserving of my time or attention.
Today is a good day. Today is a new lease on life, a new start, a rebirth. Today is the day I begin taking back my own destiny. I’ve found myself with a ton of extra free time, and a friend of mine made a few suggestions that I think I’ll take. “Start prepping meals for the week. Start working out. Get a personal trainer. Work on yourself.” He’s not wrong.
I think I’m going to start blogging semi-regularly, both to get shit off my chest and maybe, on occasion, share some knowledge. I need an outlet for the garbage banging around in my tiny, mostly empty skull. I suppose I have a few bits of advice for anyone living in the digital age. There are a few choice pieces up here already, but I’ll admit that in the time since I’ve written stuff here, my skills have improved a bit.
Jesus. I guess I’m single again, actually single again. Not in any sort of limbo. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. I wasn’t ready for this. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. But now I’m doing everything alone. Everything I need to do for my kids, for myself, my career. Everything, I’m totally alone. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made, the friends I’ve reconnected with, and the friends I’ll make in the future.