One of my favorite vices happens to be reading about the occult. As a staunch atheist, perhaps it’s a morbid preoccupation. I don’t believe a single word of it, but I do find it fascinating. Honestly, a lot of the occult are systems of beliefs that had to “go underground” as a result of the oppressive regime of early growing Christianity. In short, Christianity sent underground the very thing they sought to eliminate completely. Most occultists hid within the rank and file of the pious, and I’m sure the same is true today, despite the liberal social climate. If I could go back in time I would seek the source of the Voynich Manuscript. Talk about one curious tome. The writings, to this day, have remained un-deciphered. It is seated flatly besides grimoires detailing how to summon demons and describing their attributes and personalities, and what conjuring them might bring you.

I have a lot to be grateful for this season. I have wonderful kids. I have a wonderful family. I also have the best partner in the world. It is amazing to me that I’ve gone so long without knowing what partnership really is. I just “rolled with the punches” through a number of pretty abusive situations and just thought that I was really awful enough to deserve those situations. My wife is my rock. She will be honest with me on how things look from her perspective and I can count on her perspective to help me be better. I’m so accustomed to petty low blows and ridiculous gaslighting that it really did take me a while to settle into what my wife and I share. I’m still learning, to be honest. She is as well. But we’re growing together, we’re learning together, and we’re building and maintaining a strong partnership that will see us both through the best of times as well as the worst of times. So long as we have each other, the worst of times will never be worse than before we met. She is precious to my heart in ways that I had no idea a person could be. She’s my best friend, my lover, my world. She brings a light to my life that I’ve never had before. I love you, Amber.

Man, I installed Python and Jupyter Notebook and I have to say, it’s cool as shit. I’ve been just banging out stupid little “nothing” snippets of code and playing around to just do simple calculations. It’s very cool stuff. I love the fact that it’s near-native speed and wildly easy to program. It feels very gratifying to learn something that I can just apply casually to make getting stuff done easier. I need to keep pushing at it and figure shit out.

I want to write about positive things in my life. I want to write about exciting things only days away. I want to write about all the good things, but honestly I’ve used writing as a coping mechanism for so long that I don’t think it’s possible for me to write down anything other than what’s currently troubling me at any given moment. It sucks, but it could be worse. At least I have a coping mechanism.

Man, kids say the darnedest things. Like, you can’t stop a kid from talking endlessly about virtually anything they encounter on a daily basis. I guess it’s not really anything to give a second thought to, but I guess it would give someone pause if they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be doing.

I really need these four days off. Not gonna lie. Things feel like they’re ramping up really quickly and I haven’t even started the new role yet. Though I do admit that it’s really nice to leave behind some of what had grown to become a “staple” in life. Some of the work and these companies I’ve primarily supported have become fixtures in my life, and it’s really time to move on. Not just me, but for all of us collectively.

I can’t wait for the four day weekend. I really need some time to de-stress and just relax a bit. Things have been pretty crazy lately. My wife and I, we’ve been pretty busy. It seems like we’re going to have to give ourselves a time out here shortly. I think the four day weekend will be a decent time out for me.

Man, I really have fallen off on writing. I go through periods where I can find neither the motivation nor the inspiration to write. It always seems like such an insurmountable wall whenever that happens. I can never quite break through. I just typically have to wait it out.

The borderline ex is being an asshole again. She’s been manipulating our son and trying to get him to “keep secrets” because she knows she’s a half-ass mother. She’s also getting called out on it and now being an asshole publicly about my wife. This from someone whose gut is so large she can’t keep her navel clean enough to stop it from weeping with infection. This from someone who had her tongue split. This from someone who has fucking face tattoos, for Christ sakes. Jesus Christ. Why are borderlines like this?