It’s wild to me that people who know they have BPD and know they lie and manipulate all the time will insist you “trust” them about things, even though you don’t ever engage them on whether you believe they’re trustworthy or not. I guess that’s one of the reasons experts insist on the “gray rock” method of dealing with borderlines. Anything and everything you say at them, you say it robitically and without any passion or emphasis. Zero emotion whatsoever. This includes not pointing out that they’re lying, because it’s guaranteed to shut everything down. Are they lying? Of course, their lips are moving. Does it benefit you at all to express your disbelief? No, it never mattered in the first place. Not to them, not to you; it doesn’t matter. They’re not doing DBT workbooks. You don’t matter enough for them to tell the truth, no matter who you are to them. Worst of all, their own kids don’t even matter enough to them to get the truth. They’ll lie to and gaslight their own children and inevitably push their own kids away. My kid is eleven and he knows when he’s being lied to. He knows more than the borderline thinks he knows, and she still lies to him. He knows it’s not right, it makes him cry. Will she ever get her shit together and start doing therapy honestly? No, not in a million fucking years, she’s so used to taking the easy way out of everything that it’s just pathetic.

For the umteenth time I’ve logged yet another page in my journal of “co-parenting with a borderline”. This entry ends up highlighting the pitch black feet my son had coming from his mother’s house and the fact that he was gifted a Motorola Razr phone when the furnace doesn’t even work.

In most jurisdictions this is frowned upon. CPS will give you resources to pay bills and things if you’re actually just in dire financial straits, but if you’re just showing how selfish you are prioritizing stupidity over necessary things like a home above freezing temperature they will frown at you big time.

Watch this video. Tell me this asshole cop isn’t a power-hungry piece of shit trying to exert force on someone who doesn’t have a badge. What a fucking dickhead. Here are a few more takes on it: here and here. I hate when cops let their badge go to their heads, and it seems far more common than not. You’re not a fucking hero. You’re not a savior, you’re not cop fucking Jesus for christ sakes, get over yourselves. Grow the fuck up. You’re a lower middle class grunt enforcing the will of lobbyists and billionaires on middle and lower classes, and when you tangle with the upper class like you have, that’s the only time you get humbled how you need to be humbled. Fucking arrogant pricks.

I’m watching this Hulu documentary called “Betrayal” and I’m absolutely horrified at Utah’s pedophile cops aiding and abetting their pedophile siblings. This shit is beyond the pale, and Jason Lytton only got less than a year. His brother, Justin, likely had the Prosecutors cycled out until his brother obtained a favorable plea deal. This is just absolutely disgusting. I’m so disgusted right now. I hope that fucker gets murdered by someone, honestly, both him and his brother. Fucking corrupt cops and pedophiles just helping each other out- This is the shit that internal investigations are supposed to curb, and how exactly did that Utah department clear Justin Lytton of any wrongdoing? Please do tell me, because he obviously intervened in his brother’s case.

These rat bastards. I swear. So, I’m not musically inclined in the least, I don’t know the notes of a piano or anything like that, so I get to rely entirely on technical prowess. The problem is the only tools I have in my toolbag for audio analysis are like twenty years old and are very rigid kinds of tools that are used for in-depth processing tasks where you know what the fuck you’re doing right away and you’re not a total dolt.

They’re anticipating another ‘peak capacity’ point for humanity around 2050 or so. I believe the prediction is based on agricultural practices and capacity. I’m not entirely certain about this, I only heard about it in passing. What I do know, though, is there will always be a breakthrough to enable us to chase these ambitions of growth and expansion. My only question is; what will the next breakthrough be? A few hundred years ago it was a chain of islands with thousands of years of bird guano being shipped globally to fertilize crops. After that, the Haber process enabled further population boom. I honestly can’t predict the next explosion, but honestly I think it might come in the form of commodity vertical farming. Cheap and effective vertical farming would easily alleviate a lot of issues with land utilization, and I think that was one of the expected barriers to further growth.

I decided to try out the Paramount+ “live stream” feature and found myself a “Indiana Jones” marathon, so I flipped it on. I’m watching the movie and Indy just crossed the threshold of the grail sanctum, and it just strikes me as to how absolutely moronic this “spirituality” thing really is.

People believe this shit. People live their whole lives committed to this lie. It’s wild to me. Then again, I also recently watched “The Contestant”, so I guess I’m not that shocked about what people will dedicate large portions of their lives to. Still though. This religion is a messy amalgam of about a hundred polytheistic practices bastardized and dumped into the form factor we know today as “Christianity”. What makes it even worse is that the bible is a cumbersome and ancient text with a lot of problems. It remains willfully ignorant of things like homosexuality, chromosomal aberration, and medicine on the whole. I get it. I really do. How could these goat-fucking Shepards have ever conceived of a future where people stare into all-knowing glass bricks that connect them instantly with any locale on the planet? Obviously they never saw it coming. Had no notion of DNA or really knowledge at large, and honestly the bible goes pretty far in condemning knowledge. In fact, the only fictional character in the entire bible who is even remotely curious about how the world works is Satan. This goes far in explaining why Satanism has always been an option for people who are disgusted by christianity. If you have enough brain cells, you likely will seek damn near any alternative.

Well, it’s a new year. Time for new mistakes, new regrets; lets just wrap the whole shebang into one awful pill and do the old “hard swallow”!

Not really sure what I had planned for this post, if anything. Honestly I don’t think I had an idea of what I wanted to say today. I guess it doesn’t matter all that much. Does it ever really matter? I write and I write and the world is still a shithole. Kinda like how cops work every day and the world is still a shithole. Lawyers work every day and the world is still fucked. Maybe those roles don’t actually make any impact, eh? That’s really the only thing I can discern from such phenomena.