Amber,
You’re my favorite. You’re who I think about most often. Rarely does a second pass that I’m not wondering how your day is going, or how you’re feeling, or what you’re up to. I love cuddling you, I love being close to you, I love spending my day with you and talking to you. If I really wanted to save time I’d talk only about the things I don’t like about you. So here goes.
There are times when I can barely believe what my life is like. I have a partner who is my best friend and sexy as hell. I have wonderful kids. I have a career. I have everything I could wish for. I need to take time out to explain how appreciative I am for the privileges I am gifted. I’ve never had a love like this before, and I’ll never have another love like it. It’s important to me because it’s an immense source of my life satisfaction, and it’s only so satisfying because I was already happy before we met. The ability to take happiness and compound it the way my Amber has, I just never imagined getting to experience a true love that’s based on communication and boundaries and a real and working healthy relationship.
Like many teenagers growing up, I had been conditioned to reserve things that I thought or felt that weren’t in line with what my parents expected of me. I had to reserve things I actually thought or felt for when I was around friends, where I could mostly express myself without fear of reproach. I feel like this is a pretty normal situation for everyone in my age group.
What became incredibly unfortunate was me taking this mindset into relationships. My first relationship was all teenage lust initially, and when that wore off it devolved quickly into disdain and eventually divorce. I couldn’t really be myself. I hated my situation in its entirety. At that point I didn’t really like beer, but I tolerated wine pretty well. It ended up becoming an issue, as I would buy a bottle of wine and down it in one sitting semi-regularly. Thankfully, once that relationship was over I never went back to that sort of situation.
You’ve met someone, you’re dating, and you feel like you’ve found an incredibly intelligent and compassionate person to share your life with. You’d be completely correct, but if you aren’t sure of what exactly this entails, please do read on.
You may not realize it yet, but you’ll soon learn that you’re being a gigantic baby. Stomach ache? Headache? Feeling some kind of way? Walk it off, you’re fine. You’ll soon learn that the threshold for “I’m dying” is further out than you could’ve imagined. Your nurse knows, and she’s not going to be shy about sharing it with you. After all, “tis but a scratch”.
I am your “ride or die”. I don’t write that in any light-hearted way. It’s a sentiment I intend to express in the most declamatory way possible. It isn’t something to whisper, it’s something to shout from the tallest building or emblazon a blimp with. I’ve always used words to cope with difficult situations in life. I can elaborate every detail of hardships and sadness and the words roll off my tongue effortlessly, as it’s something I’ve done for a very long time. Less so when times have been easy, or during times of contentment. In fact, the happier I am the more tongue-tied I typically feel. That said, it’s hard for me to write about life right now. It isn’t that I don’t have hardships to endure. I certainly do. Everyone does. The real difficulty for me stems from having such an immense surplus of positivity in my life. I’m buying a house with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve found someone who makes me feel intellectually, emotionally, and completely fulfilled. I’m going to marry this wonderful woman. Every hardship and difficult situation seems so minute and distant. I should honestly try to write more regardless of how I’m feeling so that I might normalize writing in general, not just as a coping mechanism. I feel like it really limits the range of my expressiveness. I have the most amazing partner ever. I feel like it does her a great disservice for me to feel nearly “tongue-tied” because I’m happy. I am your “ride or die” because I love you and appreciate you. You are beautiful and the embodiment of what humanity could be if love and patience were priorities. I am daily in awe of you. I feel as though I could spend a lifetime getting to know you and still be surprised by your combination of loving positivity and intelligence. I love you so very much. I also want to have sex with you 24/7. I’m just glad you chose me, and I hope you always do from here on out. I will always choose you. I love you.