I want to write about positive things in my life. I want to write about exciting things only days away. I want to write about all the good things, but honestly I’ve used writing as a coping mechanism for so long that I don’t think it’s possible for me to write down anything other than what’s currently troubling me at any given moment. It sucks, but it could be worse. At least I have a coping mechanism.
What is it about old people that they demand complete obeisance? If they hurt your feelings, you’re wrong. Fuck me, I guess? It really sucks that I only have one remaining parent, and that’s her approach to our relationship (or lack thereof). All I know is that I won’t be my mother. I can’t be my mother. I can demand nothing of my children. All I can do is best prepare them for the real world and help them as much as I can along the way. I want to have a reasonable relationship with my kids, one where if we hurt each others feelings we can discuss it and move on, instead of whatever silent rumination my mom wants to happen.
I’d be lying if I told you I’m just fine. I’m making it, but I’m not “just fine”. It’s been rough trying to be in my mother’s life again, especially when I have been expecting the other shoe to drop the entire time. It was even rougher when the expected shoe dropped yet again. I just can’t do it anymore, and I told my wife that she can’t expect me to go to the funeral when my mom does eventually pass. It’s not for me. It’s not for her. It’s not for anyone else. I simply can’t. I can’t be involved with my mom anymore, I can only move on and just keep my eyes toward the important things in life. I have to keep focused on my family, our marriage, my career, and my mom simply can’t be a part of it. She doesn’t want to be a part of it either. She either blocked me or changed her phone number.
That’s fine, it’s whatever. She can block me. But the fact remains that I simply told her that excluding me from literally everything and basically replacing me with my ex wife hurt my feelings. That’s why she blocked me. It’s petty and ridiculous. Fine. I don’t need her in my life, she clearly doesn’t need me. “Birth giver” my ass. She’s no mother. She’s a tyrant who demands people worship at her feet because she’s more important than the peons. I could never treat anyone that way.
LastMod 2023-12-12 07:43 AM
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