I’m sorry, this is going to be an emotional vent post. I have a lot going on right now and I need to let at least some of it out. First and foremost, my mother has utterly abandoned me as a person. When I asked her why, she gave me some stupid bullshit excuse about how our family “does right by exes; for the kids!” Except it’s a fucking lie, because my mom is toxic and awful. I can no longer have anything to do with her as a person on any level. Trying to reconnect with her for what feels like the millionth time now has absolutely gone nowhere. She’s as hateful and stubborn as ever.
So I asked, why are you best friends for life with one of my exes and not the other, if this is the bullshit excuse you really want to hide behind? I got no response from her, exactly as I had anticipated. It’s just pointless, it always has been, and writing her off is all I can do to save myself and my sanity. I’m just so hurt. I don’t deserve this. I will never abandon my babies for any reason, I am not my mother. I don’t even have a mother anymore. I have an egg donor. Fuck her, seriously.
I’m going to post screenshots of conversations tonight so everyone can see how fucking toxic my mother is.
I think I’m just going to finish my thoughts here. My mom is hiding something awful from me. She has lied to me about something for years, and I don’t know what it is exactly, I just know it involves my ex wife. She doesn’t fucking love me and I would be surprised if she knew what love is. My mother is a hateful, evil creature. She’s narcissistic and mean and will cut anyone down who pisses her off. Especially me, her kid. My mother and sister have said some awful shit in the last day. It makes me so incredibly sad that my mom is brainwashing my sister into being just as toxic.
I don’t know anymore. I’m exhausted. I can never trust my mother ever again, I can never let her close enough to hurt me how she has. She’s so fucking awful. I’m not going to her funeral, period. I can’t have anything to do with her whatsoever. It’s the only way for me to be alright emotionally.