Some weeks are chock full of the same day. Like Groundhog’s Day, except time is actually passing. Going through the motions at work, all day, every day. Going through the motions with parenting. Going through the motions with my personal life. Neurotic friend is still neurotic. Nerdy friend is still nerdy. Party friend still wants to party. Novelty is not something the universe is willing to afford me on many levels, it seems.
There will always be lulls, annoyances, grief, surprises; life’s always throwing curve balls. I should probably take a moment to appreciate when things become humdrum, to be honest. I always have my marriage to retreat into, and I do so often.
Man, that’s something to reflect on though. Years ago I had read: “Your relationship should be the safe space you retreat into when the world is hostile”. I would read that knowing what it meant, but not what it felt like. I had never shared such a relationship with anyone else before. For the longest time I assumed I was defective, unable to find such a relationship.
Honestly I’m not sure anyone is inherently disbarred from sharing a relationship like that. Everyone and anyone can come up against the hurdle of transparency and falter at the notion of being so vulnerable to someone.
Honestly, if it weren’t for my wife, I’d be going insane right now. But I’m powering through it. I’ll keep powering through it because, at the end of the day, I get to come home to her.