It’s Friday. Can’t argue with that. Especially not the Friday before a three day weekend. Productivity isn’t going to be stellar today, that’s for damn sure. It’s already not stellar. Here I am, blogging random thoughts again. It’s okay. It’s my therapy. It keeps my head in a decent enough space to not spend most weeks crying in a corner while at work. This stuff gets so heavy sometimes that it feels like it follows me home, and I end up consuming far more weed than I really would’ve without carrying this shit with me all over the place.
I wish I could make my mind stop sometimes. I mean without copious amounts of THC or ethanol. Legitimate peace of mind. Stillness. Meditative, even. But still alert, still in the moment. I don’t know what that’s like.
I’ve really punished myself. This keyboard is the best keyboard I own, and it’s also the keyboard I use at work. It’s connected to my dock and two monitors. My work kit is substantially higher quality than the kit I use at home, and that truly saddens me. I do this to pay the bills, not to have fun. I thought that if I relegated myself to having a better setup at work than home, I’d perhaps feel less like work is just unnecessary suffering. Ha. Joke’s on me; it didn’t work. I don’t think it could work, in all honesty. I just figured it’s better to try something than do nothing.
I’m coming to terms with something. I’ve peaked in my career. Even if I get promoted, even if I get a substantial raise, it’s all a consolation prize. I’ve peaked. I have plenty left to learn. I have plenty of room to grow. When it comes to pure inspired genius, though, I’m drained. I’ve been tapped out for some time, and I really never did anything truly impressive with the few sparks I’ve had. They came and went, rolling into the gutters of the road of life with no further ado. It does make me a little sad, but that’s really about it. I think that what I have achieved has also brought me peace of mind I never could’ve anticipated.
Had I not been myself, had I not grown how I have, had I not pursued or persisted as I have- I wouldn’t have my wife by my side today. I wouldn’t be who I am today. The culmination of my efforts feels complete now. I have positioned myself to be better off in life, and in turn I’ve found a person to share in that with, and I’m grateful. I don’t feel as though, by any means, that my life is over. I think the point of my life where I can work less hard and enjoy more is just beginning. It’s time to “stop and smell the roses”, as it were. I’m not mad about it.
It’s Friday and there isn’t anyone in the office. I get it. I wouldn’t be here either had I not exhausted my vacation time already. ~I think I have less than an hour in my paid time off bank.~ Yeah, just checked. Nada. Bupkis. Well, it was worth it. I got to marry my person and have a wonderful vacation with her.
Alright, I think that’s about it for the moment, I might write another post today about hop-latent virus. We’ll see.