I’ve spent nearly forty years of existence living “in the moment” with little to no regard for the future. There are things that are inescapable, such as planning for retirement, working hard, making decisions that ensure that myself and my family are secure for the foreseeable future.
I’m not sure it was a lack of impression on me by the people who reared me. I can’t say if perhaps it’s ADHD related, either. I’ve also suspected major depression might also be involved. It’s likely that my anemic ability to imagine my future or plan or structure things around it stems from a combination of all of those things. I’ve made some strides in this, though. Small ones, but they’ve been made.
There’s really only one thing I see clearly extending from the present moment to the foreseeable future and beyond. I have my best friend for life now. I’ve never experienced anything like the connection I have with Amber. My marriage was a study in jumping the gun, having been with my ex wife since high school. She’s not a terrible person, but she was never my person. I went from my marriage and leapt right into being love bombed by someone that isn’t even capable of feeling that sort of love for another person, and spent eight years in what every mental health expert calls a “trauma bond”, which is absolutely terrifying and I do not recommend. Exiting that relationship forced me to develop my self awareness to the extent that I’ve become a far healthier person for it.
In all reality, I would not be good for Amber if I weren’t as self aware as I presently am, and the culmination of my life mistakes have led me to the most beautiful connection I’ve experienced. I’m marrying her in April. I’m so excited. We’re going to be married in Vegas and then we’re having our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. It’s going to be wonderful. I get to marry my soulmate, my best friend, my partner, and then we’re going to celebrate the beauty of what we’ve built by immersing ourselves in the natural paradise of the tropics.
When I see my future, I can see my wife so prominently featured. The word “wife” has meaning to me because of the person who will be mine. I’m incredibly glad I never remarried after my first marriage, and I absolutely had no intention of getting married after my divorce. Marriage, for me, was entirely off the table until I met Amber. Now I’m grateful that I had never married again- I won’t need to have been married twice before to find my person. Now that I have her, I’m happy that marriage is there as a means of extending my commitment to being with Amber for the rest of our lives. She’s so intelligent, she’s beautiful, she has the biggest heart and I’m lucky that such a loving heart favors me.
I’m so excited. We make an amazing team. She’s precious to me. I love her more.