Just finished watching “Black Adam” for the first time, and I figured I’d dole out a blurb or two about it while it’s still fresh in my brain. First and foremost, can I say how hilarious it is that the movie totally missed the radar of the sensitivity squad? Black Adam is literally Superman if Superman weren’t a whiny little pussy, and actually killed people en masse, and also was middle eastern. Yes, Black Adam is “ISIS Superman”. The only thing he doesn’t do is scream “Allahu Akbar” as he explodes electrically eviscerating hundreds of people in an enclosed space. I mean, Warner should really consider adding that to “Black Adam 2” when it comes out. Maybe he should wear a turban at some point. Have him stop to pray mid-battle. I mean, the dude is five thousand years old and from the cradle of civilization. No? Yeah? Maybe I’m way off base, here, but goddamn.
Also, I like how they essentially invented a whole middle eastern ancient civilization just to not specifically indict certain ethnic groups. But then they also had this bitch reading cuneiform like it doesn’t require a tenner in academia to pick up. And no, I’m sorry, but being a local doesn’t exactly imply she’s going to be that much closer to the subject matter. That’s like implying all Greeks are born knowing Latin. It just isn’t so. A dead language is a dead language. Even modern Chaldeans only speak a bastardized form of Aramaic. It’s not what their ancestors spoke, that’s for damn sure. Dead languages are called as such for a reason- That is to say they’re not in popular use anymore and haven’t been for many generations. So what present day Chaldeans speak is regarded as “Neo-Aramaic” so as not to confuse anyone that might think they’re speaking an actual dead language.
I’m still stuck on the fact that they depicted what looked like Assyrian cuneiform, almost implying this fictitious “Kahndaq” is loosely based on actual Iraq. The history of Iraq, even today, is not so much a pleasant one. Geopolitically speaking, Iraq has never had issues with “invaders” like the portrayal in Black Adam, but they’ve absolutely had problems with theocratic dictators. Saddam Hussein could well have been a person used to draw influence for creation of the “Devil King Sebbac” who looked to rule the land with an iron fist using his legion of undead.
Man, I don’t know. The movie was alright, but the Justice League really brought the B Squad out for this one. That hawk guy is just as awful or maybe even lamer than Hawkeye. And the magician? Really? He’s 100 years old. Oh look, his super power is magic geometry homework. Jesus, DC. No wonder you can’t keep as many fans. You have to dig real deep into DC stories to find stuff that isn’t just god-awful. And I’m sorry, but as many times as it took you to do Batman in any meaningful way- I’m so very disappointed.
Ah well, hopefully the next Black Adam film isn’t a giant pussyfest like every Superman movie ever has been.