I’m back on the road this month. It’s not a light travel month, either. I’m talking 75% of the month will be spent at least two hours away from my home. It’s not optimal by any means, and quite frankly I hate it. I bought myself a Steam Deck and it’s been an absolute blast to mess with. I’m realizing quickly that it doesn’t matter how many expensive distractions I take with me on the road, there will always be something very important missing from the trip. It’s depressing, really. I even set it up so that I’m staying at a hotel that has a decent bar right behind it, walking distance. It’s still just a consolation prize. I can’t cuddle my fiance because she’s not here with me. It’s honestly pretty unacceptable, and I’m done with this travel bullshit. It was great when I didn’t want to be home, when being home meant fights. It was entirely convenient to be in another state, or just hours away, and I had the ability to just shut my phone off and instantly feel better.

I haven’t had to do that in over three years, though. I want to be home. I want to spend time with the woman who will be my wife in less than a year. Now that I’m not running away from a bad situation at home I’m finding it really hard to cope out here. I don’t think I was built for work travel, not like this. It’s insane to me that the most positive experiences I’ve had with work travel came from a really bad situation at home. That also makes me sad to think about, because I know it impacted my kids. It’s just a good thing that it’s over.

I hate some aspects of this job sometimes.