I have so many things to say about this movie. It’s hard to even sort out where the fuck to start, but I think I have an idea. I think that if there’s one single scene that describes this movie perfectly, it has to be the introduction of the “Guitar Stage Car”. Yep. You read that correctly. It’s a fucking car outfit with a shit-ton of speakers, a mini stage, and a dude playing a flame-throwing guitar while wearing some crazy leather bondage outfit. I guess he just shreds while they go out on raids and shit, I dunno. But this fuckin movie, man. This movie is seriously eleven-out-of-ten over the top.
So it seems like human DNA is just garbage in this apocalyptic future. Nearly everyone’s either deformed in some way or a midget, or missing limbs, or is- I dunno - riddled with holes like fucking spongebob to the extent that it interferes with his ability to breathe. That’s right, I’m looking at you, Immortan Joe. What even the fuck is that name? It definitely evokes the notion of “immortality”, what with Immortan being so close to “Immortal”. Just, what the fuck? And why “Joe”? And his voice is really unsettling. Man, this whole fuckin movie. It’s just way too fucking much. Oh, and they milk people? Like, apparently it’s a commercial enterprise, this “milking of people”. Like, they harvest it and people other than breastfeeding infants enjoy this “by the glass”. Like I feel as though this whole fucking movie is going to make me overuse quotes quite severely. It’s just too fucking much.
So I guess it starts where there’s some festival or exchange or some shit, and this warlord dude Immortan Joe is the leader or some shit of this gang called “The Wary Boys”. I think, anyways. I’m probably off somewhere. Anyways, it goes wrong when his, uh… Human receptacles? Cumdumpsters? The people whom he forcibly impregnates, entirely against their will. Yeah. The people he rapes. So he has like these women and he just, uh, rapes them. Well, they ran away. So there’s, of course, a sandy desert chase that terminates against a wall of sand tornado. Because, of course, right? Well, they drive into that trying to shake their pursuers. I think it somewhat works, or at least buys them time. But then Tom Hardy pops in and it turns out he was being… farmed? I guess he was being farmed for his blood, and I’m not super sure what the hell that means, entails, or benefits anyone. Like, I don’t get it. It’s really just dumb, and I think it’s like a shock and awe thing more than an actual plot point, other than it introduces Tom Hardy. So, there’s that.
But then the big tractor pulling a hundred gallons of water just fucking stops, and they’re still being pursued. Fucking Tom Hardy has a minigun now and I don’t know what the fuck just happened or what’s about to happen. This movie is a real fucking wildcard, y’all. Seriously. It’s batshit, not gonna lie. It almost feels like the distilled hubris of a world that doesn’t know COVID. Like the peak of how crazy we were before, and the kind of crazy we were.
Man, I need to lay down.
EDIT: Welp, her world just went from awful to even worse. I guess this is it, folks. End of the road. We’re done here. Lmfao.
EDIT EDIT: What in the ever living fuck am I wat- are those dudes on sticks with explosives attached to them? Whaaaaat?
EDIT EDIT EDIT: The fucking elevator is powered by people. LOL.