Look, I’m still alive! Woo. I also bought myself a new Razer Elite keyboard, since they’re marked down to like eighty bucks. I get to take my Logitech G513 home now, which is what I’ve been wanting to do for some time. I think it’ll be pretty conducive to me playing Cyberpunk 2077 on my living room TV. I have to admit that I’m just wholly emotionally exhausted right now, intellectually exhausted, and even physically exhausted. I really need a few days off, and thankfully it looks as though I’ll be getting that time off. Usually I find the best way to reset my batteries is to do nothing until I feel compelled to get out of the house and actually do something. Only now I’m totally unable to do that, as Corona has everyone pinned in their homes. No dining out. Haven’t been able to go to movie theaters. Haven’t been able to get to bars. The toll on us as humans is immense, though I still maintain that it’s worthwhile to continue until the vaccine is widely dispersed. At-risk individuals are worth us taking precautions to not kill them. If you value business or liberty above lives, you’re morally and ethically bankrupt at best. I think lately one of the biggest things dragging me down is familial strife. It seems to be everywhere now. It’s in my immediate family, my extended family, and even the families of people I love and care about. It’s hard to escape, that’s for sure. The medicines I take for depression and anxiety, I’m keenly aware, are still functioning at full capacity. Though I’d be lying if I said I’m able to feel all sunshine and rainbows right now. As the months wear on and we’re not able to live as humans have generally lived for the last few decades, I find it harder and harder to cope with the situation. I dunno. The older I get, the less capable I feel of explaining things. It’s almost as though age is withering my tongue. Perhaps age is reminding me that my tongue can lead me astray. It’s not always the best or first tool you should use in all situations, and sometimes silence is far superior. I’m sure you’ll get sick of this rant long before I do. It just feels as though life’s stinging disappointments dig deeper these days, twist harder. Yet I also feel happier than I’ve ever felt before. Perhaps it’s having something to lose that makes loss tougher. Having nothing to lose means the perpetual state of disappointment isn’t exacerbated by the addition of a little more disappointment. I certainly don’t beg to go back to that world of perpetual disappointment. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. And I remind myself I’m speaking in too many vagueries, that perhaps it’s time to click “Save” and wrap this up.
2020-12-22 01:34 PM