Jesus. I guess I’m single again, actually single again. Not in any sort of limbo. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. I wasn’t ready for this. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. But now I’m doing everything alone. Everything I need to do for my kids, for myself, my career. Everything, I’m totally alone. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made, the friends I’ve reconnected with, and the friends I’ll make in the future. But right now my life is a fucking shitshow. It’s a total fucking shitshow. I can’t even speak into words the onion-esque layers of shitshow that my life has devolved into. I have to give credit where credit is due, I’ve had two people in my life helping me through this and they’re the only two people that have helped me remain even semi-sane. My best friend that I’ve known since like the fourth grade and recently reconnected with, and my ex wife. They are both amazing, standup people, and I wish them all the best in everything they do. I honestly owe them both a lot. I’m a high maintanance guy, I think, and they’ve put up with my ass through this entire thing.
Just… Fuck. I am still trying to process everything, and I get nothing but compilation errors. Nothing computes, nothing calculates, and I’m just so totally fucking lost.
Goddamn. I just can’t even right now. But, hey, I need more friends. Someone shoot me an email, give me a call, anything. It’s going to be a rough while until I’m actually recovering from everything.
I have just never felt love turn to hate this deeply or completely before. It’s going to take me a long time to back away from this ledge.
2019-12-07 05:38 PM