This is a handy guide to interpreting common phrases you may come across on the internet.

What they sayWhat they mean
“I’m the KING of SQLi/DDoS/Doxing.”“I am the goodest at biting my wrist while I shout at the wall.”
“I have a botnet that can peak at 50gbps.”“I have a penis that peaks at 3 inches.”
“I have o:lines all over the place.”“I haven’t left the basement in months.”
“I TROLL U. LOLOLOLOL. UMAD BRO?”“Please don’t disconnect. I don’t have real life friends.”
“I use Linux.”“I once booted an Ubuntu LiveCD.”
“I work in IT when I’m not on IRC.”“I sell laptops at Best Buy.”
“I’m a penetration tester.”“I run Zenmap and Hivaj on Windows 7.”
“I’m a hacker.”“Programming frightens me. Hivaj has a big, pretty button.”
“I like to code.”“My final project in CSIII was a VB .Net calculator.”
“I have a website.”Wordpress
“My usual network is Efnet.”#idlerpg
“My usual network is 2600.”“I’m a fed informant.”
“My usual network is AnonOps.”“I’m a paid fed informant.”
“My usual network is Rizon.”*yiff yiff yiff yiff*
“I prefer Gnome over KDE.”“I like ugly things that just work.”
“I prefer KDE over Gnome.”“I don’t care if it works, as long as it’s pretty.”
“I use XMonad.”“Crush my balls harder, mistress! I’ve been ever so bad.”

Alright, that’s it for now. I’ll probably do a follow up if I think of more inane shit to drop on this topic.