Random

I really don’t pay enough attention to this damn blog. I think I’m going to take a moment to learn how to optimize viewing for mobile and give this fucking thing a revamp, at least. I’ve shat my brain contents into this thing for nearly a decade, I think it’s worth the effort.

 
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23 Jan 2020 20:18 | rant

Saturday

I’m considering starting a new system build soon. Might have an opportunity to get that done shortly. Not thinking anything extravagant, just a reasonably powered mid-level gaming rig. Since I have my own MSDN account I can just crap out Win10 licenses, so I might as well use one. It’ll be weird to run Win10 Enterprise at home, but whatever.

Weekends are always the best. It’s a departure from the crazy packed weekdays with their tight schedules and last minute business trips.

Man, I get so little free time that I’m sitting here and wondering what the hell I should write here in any serious manner. I want to contribute something useful, but a ton of what I’m doing for work right now has no bearing in the IT world. At least for the moment. It’s also not stuff I can really share publicly. Not yet anyways. Ah well. I’ll figure something worthwhile to write, dammit.

 
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18 Jan 2020 17:04 | rant

Balls to the Wall

Holy shit. Work work work. I feel like I’ve been living at work. It’s a real bitch, because I have a lot of people who are important to me that are suddenly wagging behind this career. It’s a real pain, to be honest. But I’ll make time. Everyone that’s important to me deserves my time, even if I’m pressed for it. That’s something I can’t let slip back again. I can’t let people fall to the wayside, because they’ve really been there for me through some of the hardest shit I’ve had to go through. I won’t give up on the people who didn’t give up on me, dammit.

There was something I was going to say here. I don’t remember, now, though.

 
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16 Jan 2020 20:35 | rant

I Can't Stop

12 Jan 2020 20:52 | rant

Intensity

I’m officially settled into my promotion at work. Now begins the serious grind, ushering in the future of transportation for the world at large. It’s intimidating to get a piece of that pie. To have a reputation established as being a key player in the transition away from fossil fuels, well… I won’t flatter myself, really. I may be somewhat key, but there are a lot of key players in this. It truly takes a village, and in many ways it takes an entire planet. I need to figure out how to stay humble while acknowledging that the things I’m being involved in are huge. It’s daunting. But I’m going to run at it head first, because I can, and because I have to.

While my career is prepelling ever forward, I have to admit that my personal life is still about eighty flavors of a wreck. I don’t live in a dwelling I want to live in, a city I want to live in, and I don’t drive a car I want to drive. It’s my intention to change all of these things after a year. Really, I need to change these things. It’s going to be important for me to be close to the office as I’m going to virtually live there.

I think I’m pulling off the “Bachelor dad” thing, strainingly, but at least somewhat successfully. I need a day to myself soon. A day to reflect, collect myself, think about everything or nothing as I see fit. Seems like I’ve just been in-motion for so long that I’ve forgotten to take a breather. I need to do things like update this ass-crack of the internet. I need to tinker. I need to flex ideas. I need to inhale, exhale, and remember that it’s not necessary to run a million miles a minute at every goal or accomplishment at all times. It’s just as important to set aside time to do absolutely nothing.

At the same time, it’s hard to set aside adequate time for the people who matter in life. I am lucky to have some amazing friends and family in my life. They’ve always been there, waiting for me to wake from what seemed like a dream. That’s what a real friend is. Someone that’s still there, even after years, when you figure yourself out. Never let them go. Never take them for granted. Accept that what happened, happened, and keep them forever.

I haven’t known who I am as a person in a very long time, but I’m starting to figure myself out. I’m starting to love myself. I’m getting there, and it’s a confusing, crazy, and awesome experience.

 
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12 Jan 2020 14:47 | rant